Submitted by Jenny De Grace.
Breast cancer took many things away from me, a little under one year ago. It took my breast, it took my job, and it temporarily took away my happiness, like it did most of us. When I was diagnosed, I quickly had surgery, then after some healing, came the dreaded chemo.
Chemo was a difficult journey for me. I recognize it now as a gift, but it was a difficult gift. My chemotherapy treatment plan included dose-dense chemo treatments, every two weeks, for a total of 4 months.
I had the cardinal side effects of nausea, fatigue, body and bone pain, and overall, I felt unwell. The most marked (and turns out, quite rare) symptom for me occurred early on. My bladder became badly burnt, and it felt like I had a UTI for the entire duration of chemo thereafter. Those of you who have had UTIs, know exactly what I am talking about! Basically torture!
During my chemo treatments, I lived on my sofa, in a lying down position. I actually left a permanent dent in that sofa. Needless to say, I don’t use that sofa anymore. Actually, my children and partner almost always avoid it now, too. On a subconscious level, or maybe on a conscious one, that sofa represents a time in our lives that everything stopped. It represents a time that what we knew and felt about our lives changed, as I was fighting for mine.
During my early days after my diagnosis, I did a lot of searching online. I searched about everything related to cancer: symptoms, chemo options, even how to be active during and after cancer. In one of my early searches, the sport of dragon boating came up, as it was associated with breast cancer.
I was amazed at all the videos and how beautifully smooth these people looked while paddling and how free they all looked in an open body of water. I WANTED TO BE THEM! I wanted to somehow magically transport myself through some sort of telekinesis, through the website photos, and be those valiant women, who have fought, and who continue to fight and thrive through breast cancer.
I would daydream often, while on my sofa, about being on the body of water in the boat, alongside my paddling team members. I could smell the water. I could even hear it when I tried hard enough. I would close my eyes, imagine the slight forward and backward rocking of the boat, as we paddled forward. In my daydreams, I was just sitting in the boat, while others paddled around me. Something felt odd there. I couldn’t figure out why in all my daydreams, I was not paddling too!
I quickly realized, it was because I had never done anything remotely similar to it to relate to. I decided right then and there that I would change my daydreams and make them a reality at some point in my future by becoming a paddler and by joining a dragon boating team. I wasn’t sure when or how, but I just knew I would. That dragon boating daydreaming was a big part of me getting through my chemo journey. I couldn’t wait to get out on the water. I couldn’t wait to be free!
Fast forward 5 months post chemo, and I decided to take the leap and reach out to some local teams. I was fortunate enough to be welcomed into a wonderful team of women, who continue to thrive in their own journeys with breast cancer.
I made my dreams a reality, this past June 4th, 2024. It was my first lake session of paddling. It was a highly spiritual moment for me.
Our coach reminded us to take a moment and pause, take a few deep breaths, and just listen to the geese flying overhead. I closed my eyes, and my mind took me back to my sofa and back to all the moments of desperation that I wished I could be on this very boat.
My mind recalled those times in my daydreams, that I was just sitting and not paddling. And I was finally here. Although this time, this experience included me paddling with my team. Nothing felt better!
My lymphedema arm was a little tight, my chest was a little tender, and my cardiovascular system was struggling, but nothing felt better. In that quiet moment on the lake, with my new friends, my emotions took a hold and I shed a few tears in honour of how far I’ve come. Cancer took a lot from me, but it gave me many things, too. The water sounds and geese sounded like heaven. Cancer has sharpened my focus. It has cleared the lens through which I see my world now.
The aftereffects of paddling, although maybe a little uncomfortable, remind me that I am alive. Paddling was a dream, and now a reality, and for that, I am so humbled and honoured to be able to participate in a sport that brings people just like me, together. The first thing I did to rest my buzzing body when I got home from my first paddle, was lay down on that sofa. And this time, it felt different. I felt like a new me. I’m making new memories in spaces where challenging things happened to me. This is the next chapter of my story, and I can’t wait to see where it takes me
