Submitted by Meri Gibson.
In my spare time, to which most people comment “do you actually have spare time,” I am a marriage celebrant. I can conduct marriages and civil unions in New Zealand.
It is an incredible privilege to be involved in such an intimate moment in people’s lives and I never for one day take that for granted. Collaborating so closely with people makes you feel like you are sharing a special secret as they prepare for their lives ahead.
People who know that I am a marriage celebrant have also asked me to conduct funerals. It is not something I willingly do or want to do with any pleasure, but again I realise how intimate that moment is and how important it is to people.
The first funeral that I conducted was for a teammate. We have a saying in New Zealand to be “gobsmacked” and I was gobsmacked to be asked. In fact, I felt quite blindsided when I was asked. We knew that Carleen was unwell and we knew that her time was short, but when she sat me down and asked me that question, I was speechless. I am the person who can speak at any moment, at any time and I was totally lost for words.
She gave me a few minutes to ponder and then she said to me in this very straightforward voice, “You do funerals, don’t you?” What does one say to that? I took a few deep breaths and said I would be very privileged to do it, to which she responded, “No I am the privileged one because I get to choose you. You know me, you know who I am.”
Here is the interesting thing, I did not know Carleen before she joined our team, very quickly she became an integral part of our team and a driving force behind much of our success. She was extremely competitive, very athletic, and a great deal of fun to be with.
I said to her on the day that she asked me, a Thursday afternoon, trying to be terribly professional and to get past the moment of discomfort, “Why don’t you think about some music, why don’t you think about some things you like and I’ll come back and see you on Saturday and we’ll talk about it a little bit further”. She said the name of a song but she misnamed the title and I always chuckle about that. She said it is called Home what she really meant was Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran. I think what she was indirectly saying to me was that she was being called Home.
A day later the Friday evening, Carleen slipped into a coma, so on the Saturday when I went to see her, she could not speak, her body had decided that she had nothing more to tell me, so I was in limbo. I did not know what to do. My heart took over and when she passed away a few days later, I knew exactly the service that she needed and wanted.
I was also privileged to conduct a beautiful service for our precious Lou. I realised that when people ask me to conduct a funeral, it is because they know that I know them, that it will be special. I have conduced other funerals, but these of my teammates are super precious to me.
Someone asked me recently if I’ve ever married any of our teammates, well given the demographic most of them are either still married or not interested in getting remarried, however I will be marrying our coach and his fiancé in March and I’m super excited about, it’s going to be a beautiful day.
I want to say to you that if you ever get the opportunity to do something like this seize it with both hands because what you get out of it is utterly amazing.
